I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
