life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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