So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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