Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
