I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
