What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
