11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
