let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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