As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
