At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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