we have pet lesbian snakes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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