Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
