You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
