After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
