She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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