She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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