Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
