ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
