I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
