its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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