I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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