Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
