Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
