Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
