in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Barsexuality is the new black.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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