i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
