Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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