i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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