You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
