Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
