'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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