i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
