he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
