I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm sobbing to NWA
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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