I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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