What did we do last night that was yellow?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
