I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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