why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
