just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
