Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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