i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
