One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
