i need an iv and a liver transplant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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