I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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