Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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