I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
