who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
