I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
