dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
