Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
