Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
