its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
