We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
