didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
