Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
