i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
