Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
