it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
