I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
