Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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