I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
